In my 27 years of existence in this world (naks!) I can absolutely say that I can easily figure out who's true and not. Who is an acquaintance and who's a friend for keeps.
Oh no no no, I am not justifying something or stating some negative insights here. And absolutely there's no pun intended. I know that I am not a true friend sometimes or most of the times, that I can annoy and desert someone in a most certain way. That I can be maybe an acquaintance to someone and that I can ignore someone and be so immature.
But yeah, how do you treat a friend? How do you manage to keep them? What if you are stuck in different situation wherein your friend's married and you remain single? What if one's moving to another country? (Kristine, my best friend in high school moved to States with her family and it's really heartbreaking for me...) What should you both do? What if your friends at work and one's just switched a career? Can you still keep them?
A year ago, I read a book entitled "When Friendship Hurts. How To Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You." by Dr. Jan Yager and I'd like to share and point out some thoughts to avoid such.
1. Focus on what’s similar about you both rather than emphasizing your differences.
For example, if you are married with a baby and your friend is single and childless, go to the movies together and discuss the movie or politics or, if you’re both working, talk about your jobs.
If your single friend wants to talk about dating, let her. You should also be able to talk about your baby.
The key is showing an interest in each other’s lives even if you seem to have different relationship priorities or experiences.
2. Beware of the “I don’t have enough time” excuse.
Of course some are truly busier than others if there are dependent childcare or eldercare responsibilities as well as part-time or full-time work and relationship demands on top of that but most everyone sees herself as busy.
If you emphasize that you’re busier than your friend it could backfire in that you are trying to make it sound like your demands are more important than hers.
Try to find some time for your friend, whether it’s on the phone or even putting a firm commitment to get together into your appointment books for a couple of weeks down the road.
Make a firm plan to get together rather than being too vague where you run the risk that weeks, months, or even years without spending time together turn you into strangers rather than friends.
Keep up through e-mails or letters if you cannot talk on the phone or get together in person for a while.
3. Value your friend and your friendship and call just to say hello not just to share your triumphs or your upsets.
4. Allow yourself to have lots of different friends, with varying levels of intimacy — casual, close, or best — and even the “workships” that I have discovered women and men have at work.
A “workship” is a term Dr. Jan (author) coined for a relationship that is more than an acquaintance but less than a friend.
Your life will be richer if you have a range of friends including newer friends as well as companions from childhood and your school years.
Be a lot more understanding with your nostalgic friends because the memories you’ve shared are truly irreplaceable. But you still need to treat each other with affection and kindness and not be too demanding.
5. Have fun!
Friends are those with whom you are unrelated by blood or legal ties.
You and your friends have chosen each other out of all the people in the world to care about.
Caring is pivotal, of course, but having fun together is also a goal whether you’re 25, 55, or 85.
Plan a girl’s night out, a boy’s weekly basketball game, or even a girl’s night in. Have breakfast or lunch together and catch up on what’s new or take in a movie or a music concert.
6. Cut your friends some slack.
Try not to rush to judgment or be excessively demanding.
Your friends’ have other pulls in their life. Rather than bombard a friend with demands or make her feel guilty if she’s busy or temporarily emotionally unavailable to you, cultivate other friendships or relationships that can give you what you need till your friend is more accessible.
I remember my father once told me that being rich is not just about money.. It also talks about friendship. On how you keep and treat your friend or someone who is close enough to be your friend.
It's not about how many friends you have as well. It's about how true you are to them, how well you communicate with them. As the saying goes.. "Money might make you wealthy, but friends makes you rich."
So, hello there, friend!
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