It pains me that 2012 was a year book ended by disappointments. It was a lil fun, uniqueness of atmosphere yet emotionless, have lots of new experiences and without going into details, let me just say that there were promises broken, hope restored only to come crashing down again and a heart left in a state of limbo – it’s still neither here nor there. Recovery is never easy, yet for some reason, the universe is aligning itself with me and I’m more than thankful since it’s sending a steady stream of blessings in the form of friends – new and old – to make me forget; to teach me what it’s like to laugh again without faking it.
While I could continue to feel sorry for myself, I don’t think I want to because Haruki Murakami once wrote, “Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that.” With that quote in mind, I thought of all the things about 2012 that made me realize that I’m still a pretty lucky girl who’s slowly getting back on the right track always.
I surrounded myself with people who truly loved me. These people whom I’ve known for a few months, years and decades stuck by my side. They taught me the importance of loving myself even if there were times that the concept of love seemed like something I didn't want to exist. They offered shoulders to cry on, invitations to parties and drunken, hazy nights, a listening ear and most importantly, time. It’s because of them that I’m able to forge on and hope for a better year ahead.
Travel taught me the beauty of life. It distracted me from my thoughts and it brought me more closer to my dear friends and family. My travels this year, mainly to Palawan, Cebu, Bohol to Hong Kong and Macau, allowed me to put things in perspective and wake up everyday with a mind hungry to learn and eyes dying to ravish and digest everything they see.
Prayers are answered. I am not that really a prayerful person honestly but now I don’t know if you pray, too or believe in something greater than yourself, but let me tell you this: When you pray for something hard enough and you open your mind to the possibility that someone or something out there is listening, you just might be surprised. Have a little faith. It never hurt anyone.
Successfully becoming the bigger person, while difficult, feels amazing. There were times when lashing out seemed like the only logical thing to do. But I took a step back to fully assess the situation and realized that it’ll only end up in disaster if I gave in to emotions. It’s maddening, yet gratifying once you stop yourself from being a total animal.
To round things up, allow me to share a passage from my favourite book of the year, The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. It struck a chord with me and somehow put things into perspective. Here’s hoping that it offers you some perspective for the new year as well.
“I have finally concluded, maybe that’s what life is about: There’s a lot of despair, but also the odd moment of beauty, where time is no longer the same. It’s as if those strains of music created a sort of interlude in time, something suspended, an elsewhere that had come to us, an always within never. Yes, that’s it, an always within never.”
Oh well, Hello 2013! Bring it on! :)
